life situations

it is what it is

The Great Abyss

/ apronsandappetites.com / 5 Comments

And so dear readers; my good, good friends; my faithful few; my happenstance visitors, I shall say au revoir for just a bit.  It’s not adieu.

I am just too tired right now to carry on.  There is nothing fanciful, or funny, or fruitful that I can apply to your lives.  Perhaps later….

The Great Abyss

by Brenda Byassee

It has won this battle, this brawl:
Blinded, battered, bruised, and beaten.

The blackest night does e’re compare
to the mist of the great abyss.

The hole so mighty as to make
a soul so filled with dark and dank

From tears shed by the lowly one,
from tears shed by the lowly one.

Mixed and mingled with the mist,
the tears trickle, let unleashed.

All the while misty fingers pull
the lowly one into its pool

Of depth and dark and black decay
to lie and cry and feel the pain

Before arising to look up,
before arising to look up.

Begin the struggle once again,
to climb from out the putrid place.

A foot too heavy with the weight
to fall into a healthy pace;

A hand too weak with such sorrow
to grasp the hope of tomorrow.

The aching heart is so heavy;
The aching heart is so heavy.

Time Doesn’t Heal All Wounds…It Just Fades the Memory

/ apronsandappetites.com / 13 Comments

Since 2001 my life is centered around his birthday in January, his death in March, and Thanksgiving and Christmas without him.  Yeah, I know.  That’s a long time.  Just yesterday really.  Trauma has a way of changing the timing and the color of one’s world… forever.

This is March, the month he died, the day I live again and again and again.  I suppose I will till the Alzheimer’s kicks in.  I remember the last phone conversation we had that day.  Oh, why didn’t he work as late as he said he was going to?  I would have been home first.

I remember the morning, his last goodbye to me.  He always got up really early to drive the truck; then would stop by later in the morning and make sure I was up.  Our last phone conversation; he was planning on fixing supper.  He had the most gorgeous voice.

The phone call as I was coming home from work.  Something was wrong, even though my friend only said to stop by the house before I went home, but I tried not to believe that gut-wrenching premonition.  The speedometer reached at least 90; I’m sure faster.

Hearing the words; feeling my heart stop; going into shock.  Seeing yet not understanding what all was going on: the police cars, lights, ambulance, people everywhere.

When I saw the ambulance, I started to get out.  That’s the ambulance; he’s still here.  And hearing the ones protecting me tell me not to go; the medics were trying to keep his blood pressure stable.  Okay.  That makes sense.  He might become agitated.  Better not go then.  But why aren’t they leaving? Waiting for the Lifeflight that came too late.

All of a sudden we are at the old high school.  The helicopter is finally here.  And before I can get out of the car, again, I am told to stay in the car, go on to the hospital.  Oh, all right.  Good.  I will be there when he gets there.  Only he didn’t.

Driving to the hospital.  Surrounded by friends and my daughter.  Hearing the phone ring; then hearing the words “Turn around.”  I can’t breathe.  I have to get out of this car.  So I open the door to step out, step out of the fast-moving vehicle on the busy highway, and my friend grabs my arm, to protect me, keep me safe.  You let go of me right now!  And in her shock, she does.  As I open the door, the car is swung off the road and stopped.

I run.  I run away from reality.  There is a field, with a pond, a cool pond that will take me away,  past reality, a place I can run into.  Only my daughter stops me, crying, saying she needs me.  And I need her. We need each other this night of death.

All these many years later, time gone by, the memories are tattooed on my heart and embedded deep within my brain.  Each word said by each person a video popping up to be played year after year.  Faces on a collage of memory.

No, time doesn’t heal all wounds.

Guess My Little Projects Can Wait

/ apronsandappetites.com / 2 Comments

Harrisburg just named the seventh victim who after a week in the hospital has just died of his injuries.  The loss of lives is just so sad.  Henryville, Indiana, and the surrounding communities have been on my heart as well.  Forty people have been counted dead.  Little Angel’s story perhaps the saddest of all:  Mom, Dad, three children.

The video by the young man in Henryville was just scary.  I can’t imagine the energy from not one but at least two big tornadoes.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Raw Video by Danny O’Shea, posted with vodpod

getting ready to rebuild

So my home improvement projects seem rather trivial in the face of this kind of devastation.  One of the carpenters from our area was only gone about an hour or so to give the estimates on the repair for several homes.  When asked why he was back so quickly, he stated “they don’t need carpenters; they need bulldozers.”

They are starting from scratch while I am just scratching at my surface to give it the attention it needs.  Attention that can sit on the back burner until those who have no home can spare a carpenter.

Related articles

This is Our America

/ apronsandappetites.com / 4 Comments

Since the tornado in the early morning hours of February 29, it seems I just haven’t had the inclination to think about much of anything else except the ones who were killed, their families, the destruction, the coming together of community, the pouring in of disaster relief workers and monies and food and …

It’s amazing to hear the stories.

Jaylynn, 22, was such a believer that even though her parents couldn’t find her, they knew that no matter where she was, Jaylynn was with God.  Even in her death she glorified the name of Jesus.

carrying the school color

To combat a threat by the church that protests at funerals, can’t bring myself to even acknowledge their name, hundreds of people lined the sidewalks to shield the families.  Thankfully, the threat was an empty one, but the sight of all those people in the community coming together to support the families was powerful.

A man walked into the Methodist Church, the hub in the community for serving disaster teams and volunteers, said he was from Chicago and had driven down to help.  He handed over $1,000.

Another person walked into the clinic to ask where the $7,000 check should go.

Truckloads upon truckloads of necessities.

People from all walks of life, all over the country, working to saw trees away from homes, pick up debris, anything that needs done.

Catholic Church before the Leap Year Tornado

Catholic Church after the tornado

People giving and giving and giving and helping and helping and helping.  This is America.  The true America.  The real America.

 

Right In My Back Door

/ apronsandappetites.com / 6 Comments

This past week two small towns in my vicinity were hit by devastating tornadoes.  One small town, Ridgway, is only ten or so miles away; the other town, Harrisburg, is twenty miles away.  Six people died in Harrisburg.  For more information about them, here is the site to one of the local tv channels:  http://www.wsiltv.com/

My heart is heavy for the town of Harrisburg.  They have lost some good people.  And my heart is even heavier for the families of these good people.

My facebook friends have been posting pictures.  Here are some of them.

Harrisburg Tornado Rt 45 and 34 junction

homes demolished

path of the tornado

there just aren't words to convey the sadness

just unbelievable

 

Brady Apt by Stephanie Tyrpak

the strip mall that had several stores

These are just a few of the many devastating pictures.  Piles of rubble that used to be a lovely brick church or the Golden Circle.  Homes with the roofs blown off.  Huge trees uprooted.  Semis to cars turned on their sides.

Thankfully no one in Ridgway was killed, but they lost a  most beautiful church, approximately 150 years old, and businesses and homes were destroyed or damaged.  Here are some of the photos of that area.

This beautiful, old church was destroyed when the roof fell in -- all but the altar, that is.

The altar still stands

One of the main businesses in Ridgway

So many wonderful people immediately stepped up to the plate and started swinging, bringing in water, setting up a food trailer for the rescue workers and volunteers, donating money, whatever was needed.

These are the things I am going to remember on those days when the bad news far exceeds the good news.  These good people, their good hearts and helping hands; their strong backs and arms as they hold the chain saws to cut homes and businesses out of fallen trees; their tired, aching bodies from searching through rubble for someone alive.

 

A Whole New Look at Drug Rehab

/ apronsandappetites.com / 9 Comments

If your family has ever dealt with a loved one who is addicted to alcohol or drugs, then my heart goes out to you; my compassion and empathy is profound.  An addict will sell themselves, give up their children, cut off ties with family, and wander from place to place or live in the streets and alleyways.  Their thoughts have been in drug mode for so long they don’t know how to think normal thoughts anymore.  They don’t know how to “pull themselves up by the bootstraps” and get clean.

It’s not because they don’t want to.  Their self-loathing is immense; their pain from the disappointment of losing themselves and sometimes their families is deep.  The uphill climb to “clean” is a monstrous mountain to them that seems so gigantic that they fail before they even begin the first ascent.

Does the drug abuse come from undiagnosed mental illness?  Did it begin with casual use as a young person and then became the demon-clawed monkey on their backs?  Was it some horrible experience that first drew them to the escape from real life into the fantasy life of drugs or alcohol?

The reason isn’t important.  The overcoming is.  The ability to live the rest of their lives without the use of drugs or alcohol is what matters, not the whys.

Teen Challenge

Teen Challenge is a place for these lost souls, these hopeless people, to be saved.  Quite literally.  Here is their mission statement:

“To provide youth, adults and families with an effective and comprehensive Christian faith-based solution to life-controlling drug and alcohol problems in order to become productive members of society. By applying biblical principles, Teen Challenge endeavors to help people become mentally-sound, emotionally-balanced, socially-adjusted, physically-well, and spiritually-alive.”

It is not for those who aren’t ready to climb up out of the pit, nor is it for those looking for an easy road to sobriety.  This program is the hardest thing any person will probably ever do in their lifetime for themselves.  From day one there is no smoking, no foul talk, no talk of the street, no disrespecting the counselors… the list goes on and on.  From day one there is a work ethic in place, a hygiene standard, an accountability practiced… just a few of the things used to build self-worth.

The program is about one year and can be all the way to two years.  The men (the median age is 35) sleep in bunk beds with their clothes and shoes and personal items neatly in place, and those beds made up military style of the mornings which begins around 5:30 or so.  They have work details, jobs in the community, for which they are not paid.  They are immersed in Bible study and surrounded by encouraging people.  They are required to dress in accordance with the dress code and go to church regularly.

This program is not for sissies.  This program works.

Prison costs about $23,000 a year to house an inmate; Teen Challenge is less than half that.  My question to judges, both state and federal, is why are you not utilizing this program?  The fact that it is based on voluntary entry and the person is able to leave at any time is always the excuse used when sentencing an addict to prison instead of Teen Challenge.  But that is no issue in reality.  If  the person leaves,  then it’s off to prison.

The rigorous routine at Teen Challenge serves only to enhance the lives of those who stay, creating persons with skills and abilities to stay sober.  The atmosphere in a prison serves only to degrade even further an already beaten man/woman, offering nothing more than a housing unit until they are released.  Being ordered to Teen Challenge is a win-win situation.  The offender makes it through the program and lives a productive life:  society wins.  The offender leaves the program and is then sent to prison: society still wins.

Why not give that person a chance?  Why not see if this person can be in the statistical group of graduates, as they are called, who never go back to drugs?  Why not?

Here is the web site to learn more of Teen Challenge: http://teenchallengeusa.com/

 

Giving It Back

/ apronsandappetites.com / 4 Comments

Brenda from Kenya

‎”If you can’t hold children in your arms, please hold them in your heart.”

Mother Clara Hale

Isn’t she just the cutest little thing?  This is my sister’s adopted daughter via Trinity Global Development, a group their church is affiliated with.  Dar gives a set amount of money each month and can send Brenda (I LOVE her name) gifts as well.

Wasana Supan in Thailand

And here is my little adopted daughter!  I met her through World Vision.  Before her was a young boy who has now grown old enough to  exit the program.  I send $30 a month and can send small gifts such as stickers, a bracelet, anything that will fit in a 5×7 envelope.

My friend, Crystal, has at least one child she has adopted through World Vision, and my friend, Sarah, has a child she has adopted through the organization Only Believe Ministries.  It is a local organization that is in the process of raising the money for an orphanage.  A great group to plug into!!

These are just three organizations.  There are many.  We can help children in our own homeland to those far away.

I am blessed.  And I want to give it back.

What about you?

Remembering

/ apronsandappetites.com / 15 Comments

Today is January 19.  That same day in 1970 a baby boy was born.  And today he would have been 42 years old.  Here’s to remembering a great guy!

Truly a man among men!

All these photos came out of scrapbooks I had made several years ago.  Hope the backgrounds and the extra feet, etc., don’t distract.

We had a great time that year.

I love this picture. Look at those beautiful eyes!!

JJ and Daren

I miss you.

ah, that sweet smile

Prom

SUCH a stinker!!

And what more can I say?

The Birthday of a Brave Man

/ apronsandappetites.com / 2 Comments

The Help by Kathryn Stockett

If you haven’t read the book The Help by Kathryn Stockett, then you definitely need to.  It is a great book that was made into a great movie.

It is set in the early 1960’s when the civil rights movement was in full swing.  As a person of color (usually I’m white but sometimes I’m red; often from all my falls I’m blue and green and black and purple and yellow; occasionally I’m light tan in the summer; and I’m always spotted with all my brown freckles), the book and the movie stirred my soul.  As someone who did not live through those times and those circumstances, I loved the book.

But as the national director of the Association of Black Women Historians, Ida E. Jones, says, “The Help distorts, ignores, and trivializes the experiences of black domestic workers.”  I’m quite sure there were many, many horror stories that could have been placed in the book as is hinted at by the character of Lulabelle Bates in her bold move that precipitated the firing of Constantine as well as the character of one of the angry maids who would not “play along” with Skeeter’s idea of the book.  The Help gives us just a touch of the circumstances of the lives of the people back then.

English: Dr. Martin Luther King giving his &qu...

Image via Wikipedia

Martin Luther King, Jr. was one of the martyrs of the Civil Rights Movement.  A brave man among many.

So How Did the Year Fare?

/ apronsandappetites.com / 1 Comment

Back in May of 2011 I posted 2011… Already An Unusual Year.  In it I talked about some of the unusual occurrences that had taken place in that short period of time and planned to take a look at the last half of the year to see if it was just as unusual.  I found out that it was.

royal wedding

One of the rather important events that I failed to name in the May post was that of the royal wedding.  A friend of mine was smack dab in the middle of all the festivities in England!  There were 200+ tweets per second about the event, and I’m sure she contributed significantly… until her phone went dead.

Ten years after the destruction of the twin towers the 9/11 Memorial was opened. The link in blue is awesome and has some amazing photos.

Gaddafi

Muammar Gaddafi was seized and killed in a gruesome and violent end to his life after ruling for 42 years.

occupy wallstreet participant and her dog  (photo by Reuters)

Occupy Wall Street is a big movement that brought to mind images of the 1960s and the groups that came together to create change.  Occupy Wallstreet participants demonstrated and continue to demonstrate against corporate and financial systems.

Another Illinois governor was sent to prison!  Rod Blagoievich was convicted and sentenced to 14 years in prison.  But not before he made several appearances on talk shows and being involved in other television programs.

On December 15 America officially ended the war in Iraq.  The lives of 4,487 military members were lost.  For more statistics and information, click on the link.

We lost some influential people, some celebrities, some athletes, some musicians, and, more importantly, people whom we loved this year.

Thomas Deon Dobbs