It Was 20 Feet Long And…


snake on screened-in porch



is why I dread cleaning THIS:

The pond with soon-to-be waterfall

As I was cleaning cobwebs off the screened in porch the other day, something in between the house siding and the 4×4  to the porch moved.  “What is that?”

Squeal!! Jump up and down!!  Squeal!!  (Continue that scenario for a full minute.)

A SNAKE!!!  It looked to me to be about 20 feet long and extremely venomous!  How I can tell that by only glimpsing a movement from between the crevice it was curled into is amazing.  I guess I am just snake savvy like that.

The stone waterfall/pond will be a breeding ground for the slimy, slithering serpents!  So I think I will get my nephew to clean it.

After all, the two gals from down the street came down and killed the man-eating snake on my porch!  They came at the beck and call of all the children that were playing at the house that day.  Three of the kiddos belonged to my saviors and the other two were my little grandgirls.  After we all squealed and screamed and eyeballed the evil creature, the kids ran for help while I kept a vigilant watch lest it should slither into my house.

The two young females came strolling down the sidewalk.  One had in her right arm a bright blue broom with the bright blue dust pan attached to it as she smoked a cigarette with her left hand.  The other one had a wire clothes hanger in her right hand as she smoked a cigarette with her left hand.  I only wish now that I had the wits about me to video all this.  We would share the $100,000.

The kids and I made way for the grand entrance, and my two brave warrioresses made the first blow with the bright blue broom as they whacked away with the bright blue dust pan and the wire clothes hanger.  At one point the snake grabbed onto the hanger but the girls finally got it to the floor.  The braver of the two… or should I say the one not putting quite enough thought into the idea… started stomping on it.  Prompting the snake to whirl around and bite her on the foot.

This prompted said snake handler to begin cursing the blankety-blank snake that bit her!  And then curse it some more.

But they eventually smacked the snake with the bright blue dust pan and the wire clothes hanger enough to incapacitate it and carry it out onto the driveway via the bright blue dust pan.

By then I had come to my senses and had gotten a shovel with which the brave young woman (the injured one had gone home to pour peroxide on her foot) finished the job.  We all stood around and gaped in wonder that a python/asp/rattler/only-a-king-snake had gotten on my porch.

But right now, as the weather warms up, the snakes are all over the place.  We had an extremely warm winter.  So I guess we are having an extreme surplus of snakes!


5 thoughts on “It Was 20 Feet Long And…

  1. I’m with you Brenda, I HATE snakes!! I have a snake story of my own, but I like yours a lot better. lol At least yours wasn’t IN your house. I found mine on the back of my dryer…luckily for me, my sister came to my rescue…I was TERRIFIED!!!!!!!!!


  2. I was literally crying I was so scared. I am extra paranoid everytime I open the door to my laundry room, especially now that its snake season.


  3. I’ve already seen a couple snakes our way, ugh…I hate snakes. I can take the mice…keep the snakes away. That one looks deadly. Harmless…no way.


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