Doggone it!!!!
It’s a bust on the boots. This was the last pair given away.
Old Gringo Women’s Sora boot
You can go to Country Outfitter to check these sweet babies out. I had no idea there were so many cool boots!
Guess I’ll mosey on over to see about the See candy since I sucked with Ree.
Corral Embroidery boots
If I stay up until midnight, I can be No. 1 in the line-up to win these boots. There are only two days left. This is Day 11, and Pioneer Woman has only Twelve Days of Boot Give-aways! So I will once again be putting my name in the please-gimme-pot.
Not just Ree’s pot. But See’s as well. My favorite candy of all time!!! They are giving away candy FOR LIFE!
See’s candy
I’m hyperventilating! Candy FOR LIFE! I love Mrs. See.
Which would I want? Boots? Candy?
Being the greedy person I am, I want both. If I had to choose?
I’ll take the candy, please.
It’s Steve’s fault I am down here in the basement reading my favorite blogs: putting my name in the running for a really cool pair of cowboy boots on the Pioneer Woman’s blog, catching up on little EK from Chronicles of a Rocket Surgeon, salivating all over my computer at the cookies and pies Pink Martinis has been making, finding out new stuff and different opinions. After seeing all the catchy titles, I’m now thinking I should change the name of my little effort at a blog. Hmmmmmm.
All this thinking this late at night is Steve’s fault!! He let me lie there this evening after supper in that big cushioned recliner all snuggled up next to him, warm and cozy, and sleep! Probably for two hours. He knows I can’t sleep if I do that.
Yep. His fault.
My daughter came over and tried her hand at photography. She didn’t do a bad job for someone who never takes pictures. A few details were missed: the strap on my dress, a head turn here or there. But all in all, she did a great job.
I had this big idea for some Christmas pictures. And it was a pretty great idea, too. Here. See for yourself.
getting the boots off
I know this is a great idea!
All set with matching dresses
Darn that strap
A great pic — except for that stinking strap!
preparing for the red nails in white snow pic
We were supposed to have our red-painted fingernails in the snow beside each other.
Mmmmmm. It needs work. My butt needs to be smaller, and we definitely have to work on the hand placement. I can’t believe Kate is acting like she can barely stand to put her hands on the snow. She has been out in it for days! Loving it! Sledding, eating snow, throwing snow balls. She did have on gloves, though.
perhaps the planning was a tad flawed
Then we tried for the red toenails. Kate, who is the hot potato, never gets cold, runs around with shorts all winter, was acting like she was freezing! Normally she is one tough cookie… especially when it comes to cold! I never know about that girl anymore. She’s seven going on 17. BooHissBoo
Actually it wasn’t too bad.
We had fun sticking our toes in the snow.
Maybe we’ll try again on the next snow storm.
Being “all right” is not the same as being of sound mind and good mental health. It’s sometimes just an answer for people, but it’s sometimes true. Compared to the “normal” of a sick person, being “all right” is a good day. And sometimes the things sick people do to make themselves feel “all right” are not the things God would have them do. This is what the Spirit had been leading me to find out as I stayed at the Eagle’s Nest; this is what He wanted me to know when He sent me to Thessalonica. “I know you are in pain and confusion. Here is your cure.” Stand resolute. Stay in the Word. Lean not on my own understanding but on God. I just needed to follow these guidelines in order to keep from falling into other difficulty, other sorrow, other illness.
After studying those books over and over again, sitting and contemplating what they mean, I have decided they mean a little of both. First of all, they are a call to be resolute in following Christ, to follow the teachings in those two books. For if one follows that teaching, although the path to restoration is still difficult, the chance of further problems from bad choices, those things one does to “feel better,” are eliminated.
In those dark moments of time at the Eagle’s Nest all my mind could fathom was restoration, the promise Christ gave me. But in reality, He was telling me to stand firm in the truths I knew, for those truths would lead to the restoration I was needing. That resolution to follow Him, even when I didn’t understand how He could “let” all these events happen, was the message. The resolution would ultimately lead to a restoration.
I encourage you. Stay resolute in talking with God (I’m not sure yelling and saying all sorts of horrible things to Him counts, but…). Stay resolute in attending church; even when we aren’t feeling very “Christian,” go anyway; it eventually draws our hearts into peace. Stay resolute in following Biblical guidelines; they’re for our health, not God’s.
“And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words.” 1 Thessalonians 4:17b-18
Our Sunday School lesson this past week was about Joseph, the son of Jacob, the favorite son out of the 12, the son who got the beautifully ornamented robe. The son hated by his brothers. How could one ever imagine being sold to the Egyptians as a young man, just a boy, would work for the glory of God and the betterment of men? But it did just that.
Over the years I have seen people dealt such harsh blows that I didn’t know how they could stand. But they did and do. Not only stand but firmly still trust that God is in control. A young man who lost his wife and girls in a car accident. A mother and father who forgives the drunken driver who caused the death of their daughter. The list goes on and on.
I will never understand the “whys” of this life nor am I strong in my faith as these other people. There are truths I know for a certainty because God in his wisdom and loving kindness has shown them to me. Why He would do such a wondrous thing is beyond me. I cannot imagine, as in the case of Joseph, how any good comes from tragedy, but, again, I know it does. Who would ever have thought the accident that Joni had as a young woman would bring her fame, enabling her to help so many, as well as glorify God? How does the young Nick come to terms with a life void of arms and legs?
It is through the movement of a Spirit; a Spirit that is God. The Spirit that moves those who love God, that sustains them through life, that even creates something majestic out of nothing, from what seems dead and useless.
Our Father God, our Savior God, our Spirit God: the Trinity.
My favorite quote of all time!
When I asked her, “Is it Nate?” through her sobs she choked out, “No, it’s Joe.” My sweet, sweet grandfather-in-law who had taken a bad fall down his basement stairs not more than two weeks before I had taken my own fall into a mental and physical breakdown. We had shared our sorrow over the deaths of his sister, his daughter, and then his grandson. We had had plans that winter to go through pictures of family, writing on them who everyone was. We ate meals together. Together we had buried Kody, the dog he loved and took with him every day.
I was the one who came to his aid first, opening his door with the key he had given me, to find him lying on the cold basement floor, his head covered in blood. The emergency number was called, the EMTs arrived, and my little grandfather-in-law was packed off to the hospital as I followed. Memories bombarded me; the “whys” rolled off my tongue. “Where were you, God, when I was pleading with you?” It was soon after that that I, too, fell down the steps of despair.
Joe was dead. I was devastated. I had to go home.
When I told my sis that I had to come home, she cried even harder and said, “No, his funeral was two weeks ago.” “WHAT?” My mind wasn’t able to wrap around the idea that I had missed it. Even though he was not recovering from the head injury he had received in the fall, his death from that injury came as a great surprise. I hadn’t had a chance to say goodbye. Dar could hear the shock in my voice and feel my confusion. She cried and explained how they had prayed about whether or not to call the Haglins to come tell me, as they anguished over their decision with other believers, other friends who had walked my journey of despair by my side. She told me of the difficult, heart-wrenching phone call to the Haglins to get their opinion. And in the end, as they were led by the Spirit to do, the decision was made to let me heal, to spare me another death, another loss, until I was strong enough to embrace it.
The Lord’s presence was with the two of us that day even though we were miles and miles apart. His presence enfolded me as I grasped the whole picture, for surely He had orchestrated my stay at the Eagle’s Nest before He called Joe home. His love for me in the midst of my anger toward Him was a balm on my aching heart, a soothing touch. Something I didn’t deserve after all the things I had yelled and said to the Ruler and Creator of the universe. My sister was a puddle of tears and pain as I reached out to her over the phone, telling her I understood and it was the right thing to have done, no matter how difficult it had been. I explained that I was all right, and I was also ready to come home. It was time.
(continued)
Restoration or Resolution (Part 3)
It’s been awhile, once again, since I’ve been here, back to my little blog, my baby that I have let fly solo after monitoring it daily since it’s birth. Sometimes multiple times in a day. Loving the feedback; loving that you guys loved some of my stuff. And now, here we are, after those long months of getting established, pouring my heart and soul and silliness into it, we go our separate ways most days, turning into weeks. It wasn’t supposed to turn out this way. We were supposed to be acknowledged by WordPress as blog of the month or week; Freshly Pressed it’s called.
But, really, our little venture has served its purpose: as a fulfillment for my desire to write (whether that’s good or bad writing) and as a catharsis for my troubled soul, helping me to overcome catastrophic events. Those events that change a person: our thoughts, actions, feelings, personalities, ability to relate to other people, affecting how we relate to other occurrences in our lives. It has helped shed some light, hopefully, on the anguish and devastation of mental illness as well as given honor to a good man who died way too young.
reading apronsandappetites
So to catch you up, all who have just today wondered by or to you good people who follow along in my meager efforts to express myself, you can go back here and here to read the previous blogs on this subject or continue reading.
a beautiful day
The morning dawned with the beauty and the warmth of springtime. It was 60 degrees! What a surprise. A spring day right smack dab in the middle of January winter, melting the snow and creating a day for the outdoors. A beautiful day that did not lift the heavy foreboding I had that something was wrong; someone had died. My fear took hold, choking common sense. If someone had died, then I would have gotten a call. Of course, that call would have gone through Paul and Gretel for there were no phones capable of incoming calls nor televisions for aired programs in the housing where guests stayed. Just peace and quiet. I could call out on the phone that was there, and I could watch the movies they had for guests’ enjoyment, all G-rated, but there was no intrusion from the outside world to disturb those that stayed in this Eagle’s Nest.
That was also the day after my “send her to Thessalonica” dream. The day I rebelled against the Lord, telling Him there was no way I was reading the Thessalonians. He had not helped after all those prayers. Why should I do what I knew He was asking me to do? So instead I went for the walk that brought me to His feet, to sit and listen and envision His own pain and sorrow. The walk that brought comfort and encouragement and strength. The walk that said, “you can do this; go on back and make that phone call.” The walk that validated my foreboding that someone had died. And that someone, I just knew, was my son; the son who had struggled with drug addiction for years.
All day I had walked that 200-acre farm. 
There were trails to follow and benches to sit on, ponds to meditate beside, gullies to explore, embankments to climb. I had taken the map provided and thought I fairly well knew where I was, so when I noticed the storm clouds gathering that afternoon, I wasn’t too worried. At that point in my exploration I had been walking down an almost dry creek bed with woods on the left and a steep embankment on the right. I decided if I climbed the embankment, the farm should be right there to my right. When I finally got to the top, pulling myself up with tree limbs, and looked out over the field, there were no houses in sight. Just field and woods.
The thunder rumbled and the panic set in. I scurried back down to the creek bed, thinking that the only thing to do would be to backtrack my path, those hours worth of walking, and that I surely would not beat the storm brewing. My first encounter when I reached the creek bed was a big deer that ran out in front of me followed by a ‘possum. Where had all those animals been all day? They hadn’t been around earlier. Were they as frightened of the storm coming as I was? Would that cause them to fear me, thus causing them to attack me? I had heard of how vicious an opossum could be when threatened. As I stood and looked around, there was wildlife rushing around all over that piece of wooded area. How would they feel about me barging into their sanctuary as I raced the storm? And I was filled with dread and fright and uncertainty, knowing I would never beat the storm back to where I was staying.
How far back did the creek go? Now I couldn’t remember how long I had walked it. Would it fill quickly if the rain poured?
The storm within me was roiling and brewing more than the storm in the sky until I heard in the small rush of wind the voice speaking within my spirit, “Don’t go the familiar way. Step out and trust and go forward.”
As I looked up at the embankment and around at the wildlife and creek, I decided that’s what I would do. I wouldn’t follow the familiar, but I would go forward. I scrambled back up to the field, and as I stepped out of the woods and into that field, I could see that, yes, there was the farmhouse. I was right where I thought I had been according to the map.
And I pondered on the walk back to my “home” the lesson God was teaching me. I thought of all the people I see coming through the court system who fall right back into the familiar path of drugs or alcohol or bad relationships or circle of friends. I thought of all the children that didn’t want to leave abusive parents because that was “the familiar path,” all they knew. I thought of the way Christians don’t want to change church services or opinions or routines, staying in the rut that leads down the familiar path. The scripture in Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; and He will direct your path” came to mind.
In my walk with God that day, I knew that my foreboding had been for a real reason, one I dreaded hearing, one subconsciously I had been waiting to happen for a long time. When I finally called my sister and told her I knew that someone had died, she instantly began crying, sobbing.
(continued)
After having been gone for such a length of time, I might need to update you, my dear reader, as to what this post is all about because you may be lost if you are just now dropping by. Just step back a day, and get caught up on my trip to ancient Thessalonica.
For those that follow faithfully: I so love you!!!!! Thank you! Thank you! You give me affirmation and bring my life such joy to know that someone cares enough to hang in there with me.
a wild hair?
Also, you may never know what wild hair will grab hold of me, and what I will then put on this little blog.
But in the meantime…
Have you been to Thessalonica yet? Or in other words, did you read the books of Thessalonians? Does it mean restoration or resolution to you?
“Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.” 1 Thessalonians 4:13
My hope was and is in Christ Jesus, God the Son. The fact that I had lost someone I dearly loved in death and, quite literally, lost my children to trauma or illness or addiction, was overwhelming. I have intimate knowledge of the word despair. Even though we as Christians always have hope in Christ, our physical and mental well-being does not always recognize that. The brain is such an awesome organ, and when it gets sick, the devastation is tremendous. The fact that we are Christians has nothing to do with the physiology of brain chemistry. And I am appalled at those Christians who seem to think a person has control over that physiology; then, through their own ignorance, will condemn the actions of the very people who need help the most. In my embarrassment, however, I have to admit that I have been one of those Christians, making judgments, condemning, seeing the sin or act instead of the person. 
God and I have had many, many talks about that; He has heard my cries of repentance and sorrow and self-loathing over those things; He has in His graciousness made me whole again.
“So when we could stand it no longer, we thought it best to be left by ourselves in Athens. We sent Timothy, who is our brother and co-worker in God’s service in spreading the gospel of Christ, to strengthen and encourage you in your faith, so that no one would be unsettled by these trials. For you know quite well that we are destined for them.” 1 Thessalonians 3:1-3
the pureness of fresh snow
So back in 2002, in the dead of winter, in a place called the Eagle’s Nest, on a farm heavily covered in fresh snow, I clung to the hope God promised me: to strengthen and encourage me. Paul and Gretel Haglin owned that farm; two beautiful people full of mercy and grace and service. Their ministry with this farm, this place of refuge and renewal, was only one of the many ways they have served God throughout their lives. They allowed me to stay here, alone with God, occasionally with them in order that they might strengthen and encourage me, letting me walk the trails they had made and sit at the benches they had placed throughout the 200-acre farm.
“And give relief to you who are troubled.” 1 Thessalonians 5:24
“May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by His grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.” 2 Thessalonians 2: 16-17
And God my Father, the Lord Jesus Christ, himself, gave me promises and told me how to live and breathe again, how to put one foot in front of the other to continue the life that was still before me. He showed me how it was He who first had cried in a loud voice of sorrow “WHY?” He showed me how the world had changed from the beauty of His making to the ugliness of sin. He filled me with the knowledge of His great sorrow when the children He loved turned from Him to choose their own way, the opposite of His instruction. As I sat on the bench crying to God, “Why?” for I had prayed, my friends had prayed, churches had prayed for the healing for my son, a healing that did not come, God opened my eyes to the very beginning of time.
tracks of God’s tears
He let me hear his cry of anguish and pain over the deception of His children, a cry so loud and sorrowful that all earth mourned with Him. The earth trembled and pushed outward in its effort to bellow; it sagged inward with its great sadness. God’s tears fell, filling those low spots, rushing across the earth, imparting His sorrow.
Those two whom God loved, the two who walked daily with Him and enjoyed His fellowship, his friendship, had opened Pandora’s Box and let sin in. And in it came. Rushing with its white hot wind, scorching the earth, burning the two as well. I could see the plants turn from their beauty as sin rushed by, now reaching out with thorned fingers to catch hold and entangle the unsuspecting, just as sin had taught it to do. Sin hurried on, creating suspicion in the once docile animals, causing them to turn on the two, putting fear between them and the two they once called friend. Death began. The change was too great, the sin ever-present. Beauty destroyed by decay.
God’s sorrow was more than I could bear for it overshadowed the grief that had overcome me. No, I was not the first to ask the question Why. God, Himself, was.
But as is His way, He comforted me, filled me with His presence, His greater-than-sorrow love. The kind of love that makes the eagle soar, that causes it to rise above the storm. The kind of love that sustains and carries and says, “You can do this.”
He then sent me back down the hill to make the call I had been dreading to make.
(to be continued)
Hives (Urticaria)
© Scott Camazine / Phototake
Many years ago, when my world came crashing down, so did my body. It very simply gave way to complete and utter exhaustion brought on by the previous trauma and stress and my unsuccessful coping mechanisms. My whole body broke out in hives from the tip of my head to the bottoms of my feet. If you have never had hives, I cannot begin to tell you how horrible they are!
The itching was relentless; the wheals raised and nasty; the stress level even higher than it was. So after a trip to the doctor and a shot, I was hoping for some relief. None followed since the shot made me so agitated I could do nothing but walk the floors all night long. A lion caged comes to mind.
The next morning I went back to the doctor, and this time got a shot once again to calm me down. It did. Blissfully put me right to sleep.
But I was on the edge of something. Something that was taking me down fast: grief, heartache, sleep deprivation, working my body to the point of exhaustion in order not to think. And it was kicking my butt.
That’s when the sister (once again) stepped in and made decisions for me. She and Terah found the perfect spot for restoration: the Eagle’s Nest. My favorite scripture is Isaiah 40:31, so when my sister leaned into my face and said, “It’s called the Eagle’s Nest,” I knew I had to go.
On a cold and blustery, snowing day, the two of them took me to this sanctuary and left me. All alone. Just me and God. There were many, many God moments that were supernatural in nature during my stay at the Eagle’s Nest. After all, God is supernatural. But one moment in particular that I have pondered on for a decade is the dream in which my future was being discussed. The general concensus in the dream by whomever was deciding my fate was “Send her to Thessalonica.”
Wikipedia Panoramic view of Thessalonica with Mount Olympus in the background.
Having been raised in church, I knew that Thessalonica was one of the cities of the New Testament, and I woke up realizing that I should read Thessalonians. But I was mad at God. A lot had happened in my life that year and over the previous several years that made me feel as though God had thrown me into the desert alone, to be devoured by elements and circumstances beyond my control. And apparently His control as well. There was no way I was going to Thessalonica or anywhere else I felt He was guiding me.
But as is the way with supernatural activity, the God way, I was so drawn to read the books of Thessalonians that there was nothing I could do but sit down and get out my Bible and read.
At that first reading I was overwhelmed with the message that God would restore my family, for my family was in chaos. And that gave me the hope, I suppose, to continue fighting, continue coming up for air and trying desperately to pull those I loved up with me. But after years filled with disappointments of that restoration, I began to question my interpretation of Thessalonians.
“Had it truly been a message of restoration?”
(to be continued)
Ava after her ballet program
She is just so stinkin’ cute!! And she was exceptionally cute during her dance routine. As were all the other little ballerinas that night.
Coming out for a bow!!
The after-party was fun too. Held in Gigi’s Highlander on the way home!
A good time was had by all.
apronsandappetites 