Tuesday night it will be over. All the texts and emails and ads will be gone. Will we have another 2020 attempt at a coup or will we have a smooth transition of power?
I am so very very tired of our country being bated against one another. Donald Trump started all this hate, and I hope he will end it, whether he wins or loses. The mantra “not my president” will hopefully die and instead as a country we will rally together to bring as much peace as possible in an unstable world.
My heart still hurts from watching the awful rioting and chaos at our Capitol, from seeing the mob desecrate a building we have held in reverent respect for hundreds of years. Never has such a thing by our own people happened before.
No, it wan’t a group of unarmed individuals. They were armed with the bear spray that killed a police officer. They were armed with clubs and fists and boot-clad feet. I’m not sure what the final damage amount was that we tax payers are responsible for paying. They defecated in offices, stole property, broke windows, screamed and yelled ‘Hang Pence.” Everyone there was afraid for their lives, called home to tell their loved ones goodbye.
Those images will forever be imbedded in my brain.
etcetera
a little of everything
And Life Went On
This picture is of my son, Nathan Kyle, as we celebrated my retirement from court reporting in the circuit courts and New Year’s Eve. It was the night before my daughter was killed in a truck wreck on January 1, 2022. The night before my granddaughter was severely injured in that wreck and spent several weeks in Riley Hospital in Indianapolis, IN. It was a special night of love and celebration.
Nate had only gotten out of prison, a place he spent many years due to his drug addiction, the week before. We were all thrilled for him to be there, especially his sister.
He was home for Christmas; he was home for our special celebration; he was home.
The year rolled around and he struggled with his addiction. Keely’s death, his only sister as well as a friend, along with the death of his friend and cousin, Mike, in March, hit him hard and his struggle with drugs began to beat him. He was losing the battle. Again. He and I fought that summer after Keely and Mike died and even quit talking for a bit. His sweet girlfriend, Ashley, stepped in and did some magic that got him going on a little better path. He was happier and had a goal: to marry Ashley; to take care of her and her son; to make her daughters and parents like him. After all, he did have a reputation, so his work was cut out for him in that area. And he worked hard to achieve that goal.
He also continued to use marijuana; then sell it. But he was still happier than he had ever been, and I held out hope that he would make it this time; that he was away from the hard drugs.
On February 15, 2023, someone shot Natey in the back of the leg and left him to bleed to death in the ditch just across the street from where he was living. The bullet hit his femoral artery. Almost before Natey even realized he had been shot, he was dead. The police and the emergency personnel were there within three minutes. Or less.
My heart is crushed, still, even though it has now been over a year. But as the poem reads, “and life went on. It was not the same, but it went on,” (sorry, I don’t know the author) and I am going on. Different, not the same, but step by step going on.
“Nathan Kyle Dobbs, born August 3, 1977, left this earthly body on Wednesday, February 15, 2023, to be united in Heaven with those who went before him. The reunion in the presence of Jesus the Christ has to be phenomenal! Left to mourn and miss him is Ashley, the great love of his life, the reason he lived, his gift from God. He will be greatly missed by his aunts and uncles and cousins and friends. Nate had a huge heart with a smile and hello or a helping hand for everyone. He was a hard worker wherever he worked. He was full of fun and laughter and silly exploits. His great delight was in making others smile, bringing some joy and positivity and sunshine to their day, despite his struggles. His desire was to become a man who could find his way to walk daily with the Jesus who gave him hope; to become a man that could make his family happy and complete; to become better than he had ever been in his struggles and fight against addiction; to let all his awesome love and goodness shine as brightly as God had always planned for him. He was sunshine; meant to light up the world.”
And, oh, how we miss him.
Saying Goodbye Again
Michael Joseph Rutherford (Mike, Mikey, Mikey Joe) departed this earth on the first day of spring, the time for new beginnings, March 20, 2022, to start his own new beginning with Jesus the Christ. He joins his grandparents and his cousin, Keely, to begin his new life of immense joy and love, full of peace and the glory of God. He was born April 14, 1985. He leaves behind his dad and mom, Benny and Anne Rutherford; his sister and brother-in-law, Benna and Jason Williams; his niece and nephew, Charlotte and Henry Williams. He leaves behind aunts and uncles and cousins and friends. He leaves behind a huge hole in the hearts of all these people as well as a huge void in the earth’s beauty.
Mike loved this earth; he loved to explore its depths in caves; he loved to walk its grassy fields as well as the forests among the solitude of trees; he loved to kayak its waters with or without the accompaniment of companions. He loved to listen to its waterfalls and leave gifts of rock sculptures for hikers to find and be awed. He loved to share these adventures with anyone who was interested in going with him.
He loved giving big, warm, all-encompassing hugs; he loved giving out joy through his beautiful smile that had I love you all over it and spilled onto whoever was the lucky recipient. He loved sharing books, plants, ideas, work, game-playing, porch swing-sitting, dancing. He loved yoga and was an awesome yoga instructor. And he loved his family the most, from the smallest cousin to the oldest aunt and uncle. He never wanted to miss a family gathering, and he never stopped talking about his niece and nephew. He was a great uncle.
He was a most unique individual who loved to give unique and personal gifts. He was intelligent and witty.
And he will be missed beyond measure.
January 1, 2022
The day my daughter died. The day I became mom instead of grandma to my two grandgirls even though I am still Gigi. The day my heart ripped in half. The day my tears began and haven’t ended. The day my grandaughter began the fight for her own life and won. The day I will never forget.
The day of new beginnings.
Goodbye, my beautiful girl. Thank you for these wonderful and lovely and awesome girls you gave me. But when will I ever stop crying? How do I move on?
When will I ever quit saying I’ll call and ask…
thinkless
A million thoughts makes one unable to think, really think.
So how does one corral those thoughts into a thinkable manner?
Wondering minds with loose files floating everywhere would like to know.
The High Cost of Retail Theft
This past week I was privy to the circumstances and outcome of a terrible misfortune. A person was accused of walking out of the local Walmart without paying for $46.60 worth of goods. According to the accused, the oil that was placed on the bottom of the cart was forgotten as the self-checkout was being executed. Well, I have been through one of those self-checkout ripoffs, and I can see how one could forget there was something on the bottom of the cart in the process of doing the shopping and then being required to check out the items and bag them as well plus paying for the merchandise and the privilege to be a Walmart employee for those minutes it takes me to check out. Or wait in the long lines at one of the two open registers run by actual people. Please, Walmart, let me do it all. That way perhaps you can lay off a worker or two, or four, or…
Oh, it’s not just Walmart that wants to scale back on service to the consumer. Kroger does it, too. I’m sure there are others somewhere along down the road, but I live in a rural area, and we are limited in our choices in shopping unless we want to drive a ways east or west or north or south. And it’s not just Walmart that’s greedy and wants to make as much profit as possible. I am amazed at the difference in the service to the customer now as compared to just a few short years ago. Did it start with pumping our own gas?
The aforementioned person was arrested upon passing through the front doors, admitted that, no, those items indeed had not been included in the checkout process. Or maybe deliberately left out. Who really knows? There were factors that would lead one to believe that perhaps the items were intentionally forgotten; however, considering the accused also has an addiction to drugs, it is very possible to believe that the items truly were forgotten.
None of that matters. Deliberately taken or accidentally taken. The point is it cost $3660 in the court of law for taking that $46.60 worth of goods.
That just seems a little steep to me. Especially for someone who doesn’t have a pot to piss in, so to speak. I haven’t seen an addict yet living the high life.
The free attorney was $750. So, even though you have a right to an attorney, that free one they tell you that you can have may cost you a lot of money when it gets down to the “costs” portion of your fines and costs when you plead guilty. And you also have to pay a little bit of money to the prosecutor to prosecute you.
The fine for the $46.60 worth of goods was $1500. The probation fee was $25 a month or, as it was charged right up front, $600. There was a $570 lump sum surcharge. I’m not sure either in case you’re asking What the heck is that?! There were other charges too numerous to outline. Some for the state police, the clerk, the probation officer, child advocate. Oh, the list is long.
Rather amazing.
I wondered why would a defendant even sign that?!! Then I remembered. A drug-infused brain doesn’t make the best choices nor does it understand all that is taking place. A person using drugs needs at least six months off of drugs to be able to think correctly.
Now, I do not uphold stealing in any form or fashion. Nor do I uphold greedy counties and states that want to fill their coffers on the backs of the people who already have nothing.
How can anyone think this is fair or right or conscionable or a just disposition? It isn’t. To charge an indigent defendant $750 for the appointed counsel seems indecent. That’s why the person needs appointed counsel: indigent, poor, no money, destitute.
Fines and costs are a necessary punishment to those who steal. Let’s make them appropriate and an amount that has a foreseeable conclusion. $3660 may as well be a million to an indigent person.
The moral of this story: Children, do not steal. Do not do drugs without your own prescription and even then be very, very careful. Do not drink if you have alcoholism in your family for it is genetic, and you may very well become an alcoholic. Stay out of Walmart. (just kidding)
Invasion of the Insects (or whatever they were)
This summer right around the first of August, just in time for Kate’s swim birthday party in the backyard, we were invaded by stinging insects. Never in my entire lifetime have I seen anything like this.
WHAT IS THIS THING?!!!!
They were as big as my little Ava!!
This is only one species of the flying, attacking THINGS! The points on their rears look like they could cut your throat!
Now, this one on the sunflower I am used to seeing:
One of the stinging species in the backyard this year
The bugs were so thick you couldn’t walk through the yard. So I did what I don’t like to do. I went to the store and bought cans of hornet spray. There was no way I could have a bunch of kids coming over with those things swarming (best word I can use but it was an invasion) all around the pool and the yard.
So like a gunslinger, I walked out in the yard with my “guns” and chased and sprayed those bugs (some chased me back) until I got rid of them. Mainly just scared them off because they came back. I just kept my “guns” with me at all times while the kids were here and met them at high noon whenever I needed to do so.
WHERE WERE THEY COMING FROM IN DROVES LIKE THIS?!!!!!
After the two-to-four-week frenzy they all settled down. It was then I found all the mounds of sand and dirt in the yard and the huge holes. All the old timers said to pour gas down the holes. Some said light it on fire because they have a way in and a way out, which I found to be true in every mound.
I went with the gas-only method because if I set fire to all the nests in the ground, I am fairly certain my yard would have blown up.
I used a lot of gas. I wanted to get rid of them. Really, really wanted to get rid of them.
Searching for… Hope
by Jarred Dobbs
Another New Year has come and gone, and we are steadfastly headed down the pathway of 2017. I always make resolutions at the beginning of each new year. Some I resolutely work on until I reach my goal, and others linger around until they come to completion. Then there are those that somehow slip through the cracks and don’t make the cut that particular year. On occasion, and more often than not, they get put on the burner again at the beginning of the next new year.
So far this year my resolution schedule is behind only a tad. That hasn’t been the case in the previous years. The drawing of the kitchen with an Aprons&appetites plaque is by my son. He drew this several years ago. I am just now getting this one on here. There is another one simmering on the burner somewhere, and someday it will make its way to the blog table as well.
What does all that have to do with 
?
All those New Year resolutions keep me pressing forward, keep my goals in front of me. 
They are carrots spurring me on, giving me the prize if and when I finally get to it. The methodical doing and ticking off of items on my list gives me a hope that transverses from New Year resolutions into daily life struggles. “I got this accomplished, so maybe that can happen, too!”
Over the past few months my hope gauge has been broken, and that has left me with question upon question upon question. In the search of some way to mend my state of mind, raise my hope quotient, I am reading a book entitled The Hope Quotient by Ray Johnston as well as The Question That Never Goes Away WHY by Philip Yancey.
The carrot is before me. I feel a twinge of hope.
I’m No Angel and Never Will Be
Snapchat is such fun!!! I have been having a ball posting those short videos to Facebook about the deer committing suicide (deer season) because they wait on the side of the highway until a person gets right up even with them, and then they bound out either in front of the vehicle or smack dab into the side of it. W.E.I.R.D.
My deer motto: Kill them all! Eat hearty!
There is a reason I dislike deer so very much. Too many people have died as they tried to avoid these animals or from the result of hitting them. My friend, Bob, an Indian motorcycle enthusiast, was killed by a deer doing one of the things he loved most: riding his Indian motorcycle. It came out of the trees as he cruised along one morning and either ran into him or right in front of him. He laid that beloved motorcycle down trying to get away from the deer. But the deer won. The trauma was too much for his body.
Now, here is the whole purpose of telling you about Bob and why I will never be an angel. Bob was a believer and a follower of Jesus the Christ as am I. He struggled with stuff as do I and most other believers that I know. Those things range anywhere from saying something we know we shouldn’t to you name it. Those things break the good relationship, the good friendship, the joyful association, between Christ and us unless and until we acknowledge that, yes, that was sin, and we are sorry. It does not, however, take away my salvation nor take away my assurance that what Jesus did for me, and what I accepted as truth and embraced for eternity, can ever be jerked away.
God the Father, our adopted Dad, forgives and gives us peace about making that wise choice. God the Son is joyous that his sister or brother has made a leap in her/his faith and walk with him. God the Spirit breathes easy for his work was accomplished, that nudging to recognize sin as sin, no matter how large or small.
And so, you see, when I die, I will be in Heaven with Jesus. I will be walking by his side and talking with him and enjoying in the most profound sense his essence, his glory. I will not be an angel. I will not gain my wings. As a believer and child of God, I will be so much more than an angel. Scripture says believers will judge angels for we are the sons and daughters of God. Only we human beings are made in the image of God; not angels.
If you have someone who has moved to Heaven already, as I have, then you can rejoice in your great sorrow because you know without a doubt that they have surpassed getting wings. They are in the presence of Jesus in a very close and personal way as we cannot experience here on this limited earth.
And sometimes… perhaps those now unfettered by time or space people we love check in on us now and then. Or perhaps they send angels to do that job for them. Either way is fine with me. I just know that someone is.
And when they are not, this little angel is: my Ava.
My little angel
May you have a happy new year!
Open Letter to Mr. Warren Buffet
This little blog doesn’t make much difference in the world. Not like your billions can. All those billions you are dedicating to philanthropy.
Will this money go to better schools and universities? I’ve read where some of your club members — for that really is all your giving pledge group is, a club for billionaires to pat themselves on the back that they aren’t really keeping all that wealth –have already given to the sports programs at universities. I’m sure their name is on a building somewhere as it rightly should be. They did give the money to that sports program. I’ve also read where some have already given to Harvard for molecular causes of disease research and another to Cornell for medical research.
Will this money be given to the arts? Perhaps to the schools in rural counties that can’t afford any type of art program, or music program, or dance program, or, well, any program except basic classroom classes. Will there be a head honcho who decides who is in more need of these pledged billions? Say, Harvard or Gallatin County K-12?
Will this money go to provide a stronger foundation of learning where it needs to be strong: In the elementary schools, in the poor communities in dire need of funds, in the high schools in these same types of communities? These areas are where you will find your future Americans that will one day buy the products and use the services that made you the billionaires you are today. Perhaps one of those industrious persons will become a hedge fund manager themselves someday and boost their rags to riches stories. Anything can happen when one is given opportunity and has a drive for the bigger and the better.
The word “opportunity” is why I write this open letter that you will never see.
Most of the giving of the $373.25 billion dollars in private giving is given by U. S. citizens. (http://www.charitynavigator.org/index.cfm/bay/content.view/cpid/42)
The giving per income level and amount given may rival your mighty pledges. The boasting of your wealth sickened me from the very first media outpouring. The fact that you are proudly giving your money away to charity also sickens me. I and my friends give to charity. With our paltry earnings we give substantial sums to charity. We will never have a wing of a university with our name emblazoned on it, but we may have given a child in our local school system a chance to go to Washington D.C. We may not be able to help with finding a cure for a dreaded disease, but we may have helped a family who has someone with that dreaded disease to eat and pay the bills. We may not be able to provide opportunities for those in the arts to progress and sell their wares so to speak, but we have provided those who have lost their jobs with smaller, less-paying jobs to provide for some of their needs.
This country needs less of your charity, Mr. Buffett, and more of your ingenious money-making ideas that will benefit its citizens, not just you and your chosen few. My first thought when I heard of your glorified club was Why doesn’t he take that money and provide incomes for people?
Build factories wherein you don’t make one dime, but the people working in it do.
Provide those gum-selling opportunities where people are given the chance to sell their wares with less risk and more gain.
Give children the chance to learn well: The chance to use new books instead of the hand-me-downs of classes and classes before them; the chance to see the world with a field trip that’s beyond the public park; the chance to embrace those arts you speak of so highly with an arts program in their school. This is just the tip of the iceberg. A man with your mental acuity, your influence on your billionaire buddies and their mental acuity, and all those billions you all are just eagerly waiting to give away should be enough to create jobs as well as promote all those things you want your billions to promote.
We need jobs, Mr. Buffett. Can you and your cronies not come up with this fantastic Giving Pledge to constructively help the backbone of America?
You want a museum in which to give a billion? Visit any small community whose coal mines are closing and businesses have dried up and blown away. Visit any river town whose docks are closed and boat traffic floated off. Visit any rural county. Visit any rural school.
I thought this article by thedailybeast right on point. I’ve been thinking this sentiment ever since your high and mighty giving pledge.
“Perhaps the most troubling issues posed by the Gates-Buffett crusade is its potential to intensify the inequities that exist both in the nonprofit world and in the rest of society.” wrote Pablo Eisenberg, senior fellow at Georgetown’s Public Policy Institute, in a recent Chronicle of Philanthropy column. “Foundations, corporations, and other forms of institutional philanthropy tend to favor the nation’s most-privileged citizens and neglect the neediest people and organizations.” http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2010/08/06/buffet-pledge-where-the-billions-will-go.html
apronsandappetites 